Travel Junkie

March 31 will be Treys one year anniversary in heaven. I wrote this 2 months after he passed.

Some days I see him in strangers everywhere and other days I see things that remind me of him like pelicans, seagulls and pennies. I truly believe that death just like a birth, a graduation,a marriage, or a divorce creates a timeline in a persons life. Everything before Treys sudden passing is now a memory and after his passing is not simply The After it’s a timeline filled with wish’s, if only’s and if I just had more time, if I had only know. But that’s my point we don’t get warnings of sorts, maybe if someone has a terminal illness there is that time to prepare but with Trey’s sudden passing we had no warning, he wasn’t sick, we had plans, he had plans until we didn’t, he didn’t. All gone in a minute in the middle of a Global Pandemic God called him home. So my After looks nothing like my Before. Grief changes people it creates a darkness, a sadness that if you aren’t careful will dominate your life. I miss Trey every second of every day and would give anything for one more second with him. I know he wouldn’t want my life to be filled with darkness and sadness but he would want me to live. So I try and some days I want to pull the covers up over my head and just sleep so I don’t have to face a day without him. Lately I try to at the beginning of my day talk to him and I feel his presence with me all day. I put one foot in front of the other and make it through another minute, another hour and finally another day. When I do see things that remind me of him I smile and thank God for allowing Trey to always send me reminders he is ever present. So for now my After is just that After and that After is my new life…#grief #brother #husband #uncle #son #gonetoosoon💔 #forever31
https://www.instagram.com/p/CqNrqJTuwl3/?igshid=NGJjMDIxMWI=

With January being Trey’s Birthday month then March being the month Trey was called home to be with God I have learned that my faith is what will bring me through these next few months. I’m so blessed to have such a wonderful tribe that is so supportive. I’m doing a new adventure every month and I know he is smiling. Trey was the ultimate adventurer always exploring parts of this wonderful world. One day we will be united and oh the stories we will tell. My strength comes from the cross. My heart goes out to anyone grieving the loss of a child💔#broken #GodsPlan #faith #forever31 #son #brother #husband #uncle #family #missed #travel #heaven (at Cozumel, Quintana Roo - Mexico)
https://www.instagram.com/p/Cno0zeULJuk/?igshid=NGJjMDIxMWI=

And just like that I found myself writing Trey’s 🙏😇name on a gift tag. Will life ever feel normal I thought I was doing ok at least ok in the sense I lost my sweet boy Trey March31,2020. This is 3rd Christmas without him and I’m doing it again. Although I know in an hour or two I will hear a Christmas song he loved and my sadness will turn into a smile when I think of him. Christmas is hard for so many who are having hard times, struggling or grieving the loss of someone close to them. Be kind because you never know a persons struggle’s. Merry Christmas my sweet Trey I know Christmas with God has to be amazing. I love you forever I like you for always forever and ever my baby you will be #son #uncle #brother #husband #christmaswithoutyou #angel #grief (at Mexico , Cozumel)
https://www.instagram.com/p/CmWit1hrC7x/?igshid=NGJjMDIxMWI=

Two years feels like yesterday 💔This is something no parent should ever have to go through. 🖤#son #grief #loss #daddy #brother #husband #heaven #brother #friend #wanderlust (at Pine Hill Memorial Park & Mausoleum Inc)
https://www.instagram.com/p/CcGbk_GO8Uc/?igshid=NGJjMDIxMWI=

From the moment you took your first breath (and may I add you were a 42 week and 2 day baby who decided to make your entrance on a snowy day in Nashville while your Dad was out of town on a business trip and your Granny drove me to Vanderbilt ) you had this look of wonder and curiosity about you. Everything you did in your short 31 years you did to the fullest. You lived life on your terms, with laughter, happiness and a smile that lite up a room. You loved all things people and travel. You loved sports so much that once you went after a pop fly ball caught it and collided with a fence slashing your head open. You asked the coach can I just finish the game I will get stitches after the game is over…still protesting you were fine as your Father escorted you off the field to the ER. The best part of you was your heart you always gave to others even when you had little. After you sudden passing as word spread through social media reaching friends you had made abroad on your many travels I heard from so many of your friends. They told me stories of how you met. Some you spent only a day with others you would meet up with months or years later for another adventure. When you married Alex you truly married your soul mate as she is just like you, free, adventurous, kind and has a sweet calming spirit about her. For now sweet Trey we remember you and all the wonderful happy times you smiled that big smile, lite up a room and made me the proudest mother I could ever be. I love you forever, I like you for always forever and ever my baby you will be…explore all the gates of Heaven until we can meet and share our adventures again💔🙏#2yearsinheaven
#GodsPlan
#forever31 #gonetoosoon #son #brother #husband #friend
https://www.instagram.com/p/CbxJbAbr-F7/?utm_medium=tumblr

Not only did I need coffee this morning but I needed to give myself grace. Wednesday will be the 1 year anniversary since the sudden loss of our son Trey. I finally realized it’s ok I’m suppose to feel loss, sadness, anger, broken and questioning why, why did God call him home so soon and so unexpectedly. So for the first time since I got that call on the morning of March 31,2020 I’m giving myself grace, the grace to know it’s ok to take as long as I need to grieve Trey our son, Angela’s brother, and Alex’s husband. Everyone grieves differently and there is no time limit. When he died so did a part of my heart and that will never return. So I thank you for the continuous DM’s, calls and texts asking me how I’m doing and the prayers we feel them all. I can’t say I’m ok I will never be ok I lost my son,my child and a part of me died with him. If you see me in public I may look like I’m doing just fine but on the inside I’m far from normal my heart is broken I am empty. I get through my days because that’s what Trey would have wanted. I see him everywhere and I know he is always with me, my Angel. It’s because of that I am able to continue on but my life will never be normal I will never be the same. #grace #death #grief #son #brother #husband #thatsmile #wanderlust #forever31 #takentoosoon #sadness #broken #family
https://www.instagram.com/p/CbpgXcNrBPI/?utm_medium=tumblr

And just like that I found myself writing Trey’s 🙏😇name on a gift tag. Will life ever feel normal I thought I was doing ok at least ok I’m the sense I lost my sweet boy Trey March31,2020. This is 2nd Christmas without him and now I’m a puddle again. Although I know in an hour or do I will hear a Christmas song he lived lived and my tears will turn into a smile when I thing of him. Christmas is hard for so many who are having hard times, grieving the loss of someone close to them. Be kind because you never know a persons struggle’s. Merry Christmas my sweet Trey I know Christmas with God has to be amazing. I love you forever I like you for always forever and ever my baby you will be #son #uncle #brother #husband #christmaswithoutyou #angel #grief (at The Bramblewood Cottage)
https://www.instagram.com/p/CXq-71vLqol/?utm_medium=tumblr

With the 2nd Christmas approaching and then what would have been his 33rd birthday in January I miss him so much. Some days I see him in strangers everywhere and other days I see things that remind me of him like Redbirds , feathers and pennies. I truly believe that death just like a birth, a graduation,a marriage, or a divorce creates a timeline in a persons life. Everything before Treys sudden passing is now a memory and after his passing is not simply The After it’s a timeline filled with wish’s, if only’s and if I just had more time, if I had only know. But that’s my point we don’t get warnings of sorts, maybe if someone has a terminal illness there is that time to prepare but with Trey’s sudden passing we had no warning, he wasn’t sick, we had plans, he had plans until we didn’t, he didn’t. All gone in a minute in the middle of a Global Pandemic God called him home. So my After looks nothing like my Before. Grief changes people it creates a darkness, a sadness that if you arnt careful will dominate your life. I miss Trey every second of every day and would give anything for one more second with him. I know he wouldn’t want my life to be filled with darkness and sadness but he would want me to live. So I try and some days I want to pull the covers up over my head and just sleep so I don’t have to face a day without him. Lately I try to at the beginning of my day talk to him and I feel his presence with me all day. I put one foot in front of the other and make it through another minute, another hour and finally another day. When I do see things that remind me of him I smile and thank God for allowing Trey to always send me reminders he is ever present. So for now my After is just that After and that After is my new life…#grief #mother #son #brother #husband #family #tragedy (at Australia)
https://www.instagram.com/p/CXgOksihhzz/?utm_medium=tumblr

Seems like yesterday you entered Fort Leonard Wood to do basic training with The Army. You made us proud serving your country. Happy Veterans Day in heaven my sweet Trey #armystrong #proud #veteran #brother #husband #son (at Fort Leonard Wood Army Base)
https://www.instagram.com/p/CWJ_i0yNGJ5/?utm_medium=tumblr

This week was extra hard really hard. I struggled as it seems everywhere I am there you are gentle reminders in strange places you are watching from Heaven. After Trey passed a friend send me a backpack of a few things he had left at their house in SF before going abroad again the last time. Inside a BART card ( SF transit system) overalls splatter with paint, a t shirt and an red orange feather. The feather is now on a table in my office at home so I can see it daily. Yesterday I had a procedure at our local hospital, had to wear the hospital gown and cute yellow socks. As they went to move me to the operating table my friend who is a nurse said “oh you have something on your gown” I looked and (no I hadn’t gotten the happy drugs yet) and I saw a part of the feather. Trey was there with me. God’s plan was bigger than our plans so now we are left with pictures and memories that play like a movie reel over and over in my head. You have been gone 570 days 8 hours snd 1 minute but it feels like yesterday. Still the tears along with a smile come when I hear a Grateful Dead song or I wear my Wu Tang Clan shirt and know he much loved it. I choose this picture today because you were smiling and all seemed right with the world. Rest high on that mountain until we all meet again. I love you forever, I like you for always forever and ever my baby you will be. #gonetoosoon #chatbooks #myangel #31yearsyoung #Godsplan #husband #son #brother #uncle #fashiononashoestring (at The Bramblewood Cottage)
https://www.instagram.com/p/CVX11lZLbwA/?utm_medium=tumblr